The Best Way to Fix Our Problems, Part 1
by hibiren
Summary: He hadn't meant to wake up-falling off the stupid couch wasn't exactly Reno's idea of a great wake-up call, but when he found out that Rude was awake at an ungodly hour as well, he went to talk to him to try to figure out what was on the other's mind. Plot follows after "Wishing on Stars." [repost from my ao3 account]


It was 2 am when Reno fell off of the couch, the impact against the floor waking him. The TV across from him was still on, playing some awful infomercial about women's handbags. Scowling and grumbling to himself, Reno snatched up the remote from the coffee table to turn off the TV, the room going silent and dark—save for the streetlights in the parking lot that let in a small trickle of light past the half-drawn curtains.

Reno plopped back down on the couch and brushed some stray strands of hair from his eyes, then pulled it back and used the hair band around his wrist to tie his hair back once again. To keep it from getting any crazier, of course. And he would have fallen asleep again (or at least tried to) but something felt off. Listening to the silence, it took him a moment to figure out just what was so unsettling. Usually when Rude slept, he snored… and there was no snoring coming from the bedroom down the hall. It was certainly loud enough that Reno could hear it, even if over the years he'd finally gotten used to the racket. He could sleep through the end of the world, according to Elena.

Maybe he'd gotten up to use the can, Reno thought to himself, but there was no indication he'd gone there either. No lights in the hall. So where could he have gone off to this late at night? Too late to go drinking, too early to go to work…

Then Reno heard something, a soft sigh, just barely noticeable although the silence of the room made the slightest sound easy to hear. And it came from behind him, through the cracked-open door to the small porch. Standing, Reno made his way over to the door and quietly nudged it open enough for him to get through it. Rude was standing with his back to Reno, leaned over the metal railing of the porch, smoke rising from the cigarette between his fingers. Something was definitely up. Rude never woke up after he went to bed… unless he hadn't even slept. Reno had crashed early on the couch so he didn't think that Rude hadn't had a chance to rest. And on top of that, Rude rarely smoked. It seemed, only after the most difficult jobs did he disappear… sometimes Reno would offer to join him, offer him one of his own cigarettes, but Rude would always decline and ask to be left alone until he was done. He was just that kind of man.

"Yo," Reno called softly, and Rude turned around. There was a strange look in his eyes, one that Reno wasn't used to seeing. One that always surprised him. It was a look of sadness, confusion, and almost… pain. "It's cold as fuck out here, what're you doin'? Tryin' to freeze to death?" His tone was light and humorous but he was still worried about his partner, as difficult as it was to put into words.

"Maybe." Rude took another drag of his cigarette and exhaled, the smoke drifting lifelessly from his lips and disappearing into the night sky. "I just needed to clear my head."

"Couldn't sleep?" Reno asked as he moved closer to lean back on the railing next to Rude.

"I just keep thinking. About all the shit we've done, Reno, I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for being so heartless."

"What are you talking about? Well–I know our job sucks a freakin' bag of dicks, but, at the same time. I've got your back, y'know? Someone's gotta do the shit we do. And if we don't do it, who's gonna?"

Rude sighed. The cigarette now dangled from his lip as it burned down to near nothing. "I know, I know. Sometimes, though, I wonder. What it would be like to be normal. Just one of those average guys, who doesn't have to worry about dying every day. Who could… have a family, be happy, all that."

Turning and reaching his arm over, Reno let his hand rest on the other man's shoulder. "Rude, man, isn't it too late to be thinkin' about all this? You should go get some sleep…"

"Actually, isn't this the perfect time to think about it? No one else's awake. It's just me–well, it was. And… I'm not as tough as I pretend to be. It hurts, to be that way 24/7. I don't care how good the pay is, I'm—I don't know. I'm just tired of having to deal with this. I'm not strong enough."

"Woah, woah, Rude, calm down…" Reno gave Rude's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "This really isn't like you at all. You sure you're not coming down with something? The cold must be drivin' you insane…"

"Reno!" Rude snapped, the cigarette slipping out of his mouth and onto the deck, where he just crushed it with the toe of his shoe without another thought. "—Look. I appreciate your concern. But I'm done. I'm quitting. I want to be normal for once, and this is my chance. I'm tired of dealing with this shit every day."

Reno took a step back, eyes wide. "You're… quitting?" He really didn't know what to say. Everything was going fine, he'd thought, things were great between them. Reno finally had someone who loved him back—or so he thought. Maybe all of this was a lie. These thoughts raced through Reno's head as he struggled to stay calm. "What the fuck, man? I thought—I thought we… do I not fuckin' matter to you? You're just gonna leave. Just like that? After… after everything… you're abandoning me, aren't you? How—how could you do that? You really are heartless. You're an awful piece of shit!" The words he spoke were like glass, piercing shards that dug into his heart with every word he spoke. Reno let go of Rude's shoulder and turned away, unable to look at him any longer.

And Rude said nothing as he listened to the other speak, hearing the painful honesty and pure suffering in his words. He simply watched some passing cars on the road below, and stared past the parking lot and out to the horizon, where the lights of the city still shone. Everyone out there was probably still awake, those with night jobs or who just liked to party late. And Reno didn't know what to think of Rude's silence.

"You don't care! I thought I was doin' something good for you. But no, you just wanted to fuck around! Maybe it's a good thing you're leavin', 'cuz I'm done with you, too. If you think you can treat me… your goddamn partner… l-like this…" Reno's shoulders shook as he fought to hold back tears. He never cried, yet here he was, heartbroken, as he stood in front of the other man and tried to hold himself together. Unable to believe anything that either of them were saying. Wanting to think that this was all just a bad dream, and that he'd wake up and the whole thing will have never happened.

"Reno…" Now, Rude finally started feeling guilty as he began to realize just how hard Reno was taking everything, which he hadn't been expecting. He reached out for the redhead, who flinched away and ran inside, slamming the door behind him as he ran back into the farthest room—the bedroom, to collapse against the bed and finally let everything out. Everything was just so fucked up now. He never thought Rude would leave him. Especially not now. Especially not like this.

Five painful minutes passed, Reno still sobbing into the sheets, clinging to them as if they were his partner—as if that would get him to stay. It's pitiful, Reno thought to himself, crying so hard over this.

He hadn't even heard the door open, but he felt the weight against the bed when Rude sat down at the corner of it. Reno didn't look up at him, instead continued breathing shakily against the soft blankets, trying to seek some form of comfort.

"Reno," Rude mumbled again, "I'm sorry."

"No you're not," Reno choked out, pulling his knees to his chest as he laid there on the bed, his back to the other man. "Don't fuckin' lie to me."

"Reno, please… please don't cry. I—I said some things I shouldn't have." The other man rubbed gentle circles against Reno's back, and this time Reno didn't move away.

"No shit," Reno said past another sob. He wiped at his eyes but the tears wouldn't stop.

"I was just having a bad night. I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm sorry." Carefully, Rude reached down to wrap his arms around Reno and pull him up into an embrace. They sat there like that for a few minutes until Reno slowly closed his arms around Rude's waist and gripped handfuls of his shirt as he sobbed into it. "I promise… I didn't mean any of that. I'm not leaving. I won't leave you. I'm sorry."

"…Don't… don't leave…"

Rude shifted to run a hand through Reno's tangled hair and held him closer. "Why would I leave? I love you. I don't know why I said… the things I did. You were right. I was being heartless. Will you forgive me?"

Reno nodded into Rude's shirt and scooted himself away. He moved his hand to wipe at his eyes but Rude brushed his thumb against Reno's cheek, cleaning the tears away. Reno gave a small smile and Rude ruffled his hair lightly, glad to be rid of the awful mood in the air.

"Yeah... I'm sorry, too, for openin' my big mouth like that. Callin' you a piece of shit."

Rude shrugged. "Let's just leave that behind us. Okay? How about we do something else? To take our minds off of all that."

"Okay." Reno offered a small smile at the suggestion and snuggled up against the other man, feeling how warm he was, despite being out in the cold night air for so long. His warmth always managed to surprise Reno, and the surprise was always a welcome one. "It's kind of nice, being close like this." He did sit up after a moment, a worried expression washing over his face. "Doing—these kinds of things… y'know, like cuddlin' and stuff. It doesn't bother you?"

"What are you talking about?" Rude wrapped his arms around Reno and held him, though he moved back so he was resting against the pillows and Reno was lying against him. "We've already done—" Rude cut off to blush lightly at the thought, "Already done… yeah. You get the idea. So doing something like this is nice, too."

Reno made a pleased noise and nodded. "Yeah. This is nice. You should go back to sleep though, man, it's not fun to pull all-nighters."

"Mm. You're right," Rude said with a quiet laugh. "Goodnight, Reno."

"G'night... love you…" Reno mumbled against the other man's soft shirt as he hugged him tightly, wanting to never let go. Wanting to remember forever how wonderful it was to be close like this. Wanting to forget how he almost lost the most important person in his life over a fight and a cigarette.

"I love you too."


End file.
